The "Dummies" Guide To Being A Good Roommate

The summer before my freshman year I did a lot of thinking — especially in September, after all of my friends had left me alone in a town whose busiest area was the local train station.B ut even before that, thoughts about the upcoming school year were racing through my mind. Thoughts like, “How many pairs of sandals should I pack?” “How excited should I be for the football season?” And, most importantly, “How am I going to live in the same room with another human being when I’m used to sleeping with the lights on, standing up, with loud music playing?”

Nothing is more stressful in college preparation than wondering whether or not your roommate will be a total downer. You know the type: always wanting to go out on weekends, easy to get along with and willing to be your wing-man at the parties.

That’s why, after much personal experience in the matter, I have taken it upon myself to use my wealth of knowledge to create a roommate guide, which will help everyone become not only a better roommate, but a better person in general.

By the way, you’re welcome.

1) The Love-Making Quandary: Having a significant other can bring a whole new dimension to your relationship with your roommates, which is why I’ve always thought that staying single throughout college is not only more sensible but also really fun. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you to be miserable with the same person day in and day out — why start now?

I understand, however, that many of you will not heed these words of wisdom. I give you this advice: Noise can make or break a roommate relationship. Therefore, if you’re going to make a sweet symphony with your loved one, make sure it’s on a school night, ideally while your roommate is either still in the room or trying to sleep in an adjacent room. Bonus points if they’re suffering from a 102-degree fever and have a midterm the next day.

2) Bathroom Etiquette: This is a very delicate subject because the bathroom is the heart and soul of any apartment or house. For the ladies, moisturizers, hair care products, razors, perfumes, makeup and other essentials will be intricately organized by manufacturer, product name and use. For the guys, a roll of toilet paper and some old, empty toilet paper tubes will be strewn across the counter and floor haphazardly. There will also be a subtle but foul odor.
I haven’t spent much time in ladies’ bathrooms, so my advice there is limited, but I will say this: male roommates can establish dominance over one another and any visitors by never flushing the toilet; it has been scientifically proven that the stale smell of urine is a “territory marker.”

3) Music Choice: It’s not rare for you and your roommate to have different tastes in music. Unfortunately, Housing and Food Services does not check Facebook for roommate compatibility before making assignments.

Therefore, it becomes your job to get your roommate acquainted with your musical preferences. There’s no better way to accomplish this feat than to pick a song he or she would probably find irritating and begin to blare it at full volume.

Don’t turn the music down if your roommate starts shouting at you, as his words are most likely ones of encouragement, in which case you should put the song on loop and repeatedly say, “Seriously, this is the greatest song ever!”

4) Food Consumption: You probably grew up with the idea that sharing is always the best way to get along with others. I whole-heartedly agree with this, which is why it’s safe to assume that any food your roommate buys is open for communal consumption. And don’t worry about offering to repay him now; he knows you will once you get that job you’ve been talking about looking for.

5) Cleanliness: Having your room clean at all times is a must, especially if you’re trying to get someone to sleep in the same bed as you. However, don’t feel the need to keep all of your things in your “agreed upon” space. Use up some of your roommate’s space too, because this will provide a great chance for bonding when he starts acting like he hates you. It will also give you more room for your stuff.

I can’t guarantee that these suggestions will make you a better roommate. But the next time your roommate tries to pry you away from your favorite episode of Laguna Beach or reaching the next level in World of Warcraft, just remember that he (or she) is forgetting the first rule of being a good roommate: leaving you alone.

Reprinted with Permission - Authored by Eric Uthus